Couples Night 2032
by Corrupt200
Summary: Ted and Robin return to New York after their honeymoon in London. They face their worst nightmare. Lily and Marshall have invited the newlyweds for their first couples night in years (8 years for Ted and 16 years for Robin).
1. Chapter 1

Couples Night 2032

John F. Kennedy Airport-International Arrival Terminal.

April 25, 2032. 4:24 pm.

Barney, Ellie, Luke, and Penny are waiting at the international arrival terminal checking the monitors and pacing back and forth.

LUKE: What's going on, here? Dad hasn't called yet. Neither has Aunt Robin, I mean Robin.

PENNY: They said they'd call as soon as their plane landed.

ELLIE: According to the arrival monitor, their flight from Heathrow arrived 11 minutes ago. They took British Airways, right?

LUKE: Yep. They did.

BARNEY: [holding phone, muttering to himself] Ted come on! Pick up! [tries calling Robin] Come on Robin! Pick up! Don't tell me you got delayed at customs by showing your Canadian passport instead of your US passport at the control.

[Luke's phone rings]

LUKE: Hello? Dad? Uh-uh? Uh-huh? Uh-huh. Okay, I'll see you guys in bit. [hangs up] [to Penny, Barney, and Ellie] They just got through the passport control. They're going through customs and they should be out in 15 minutes.

ELLIE: Oh that's good.

BARNEY: Oh, good, she showed her US passport. No Canadian persecution to worry about…that's my job!

PENNY: I had not seen Dad smile this much for 6 years.

ELLIE: Aunt Robin really makes Uncle Ted happy. He seemed like a lost soul after Aunt Tracy's death. And Aunt Robin found it.

LUKE: Actually they found each other's souls.

[cut to 15 minutes later. Enter Ted and Robin.]

PENNY: Dad! Robin! [runs to hug them]

DAD: Penny, sweetheart. Daddy missed you. Did everything go fine at Uncle Barney's?

PENNY: It was great.

LUKE: Dad! Aunt Robin! [hugging] I mean Mom! I mean Stepmom! I mean…

ROBIN: Just call me Robin, that's cool.

LUKE: It'll take some getting used to. So how was your honeymoon, Dad and Robin?

TED: Amazing! Spectacular! Breathtaking! Titillating! An experience I'll never forget!

ROBIN: I have had to go to London multiple times to report from the foreign desk. But this trip to London was the most pleasurable.

TED: We've got footage and photos from the entire trip! We'll show it all to you tonight!

ROBIN: Except the stuff inside the honeymoon suite.

TED: If someone knows how to organize a trip overseas, it's Robin. She planned everything perfectly even to the point of picking the best restaurants. My god the curry, samosas, and Tandoori chicken are way better than what I get at the Indian restaurants in Queens or at Lexington Ave.

ELLIE: Did you guys fight?

BARNEY: Ellie, that's not an appropriate question to ask! … So, guys did you?

TED: Yeah we did once. She left an empty milk carton in the fridge.

ROBIN: [snickers] I do that to remind myself to buy more milk! [elbows Ted]

BARNEY: Some things never change! Can you handle empty cartons for more than 3 years, Ted?

TED: She was my roommate. I can handle it. Let's head to your car, Barn.

[cut to scene in Barney's minivan] Barney is in the driver's seat. Ted is in the passenger's seat. Robin and Penny are seated in the middle row. Luke and Ellie are seated in the back. They are on the highway heading toward Westchester.

TED: Thank you for watching the kids, Barney.

BARNEY: No problem. What are bros for?

ROBIN: Thank you also for taking us to and picking us up from the airport.

BARNEY: Anytime.

ROBIN: [to kids] So, Luke, Penny. Did you have a good time with Uncle Barney?

PENNY: Not bad at all. You know for me, I'm busy prepping for my SATs.

LUKE: Since I did not have any real commitments during the spring break, I helped Ellie rehearse for her end of the year junior high musical. Robin, she is talented! Reminds me of your performances as Robin Sparkles.

ROBIN: Oh, please don't remind me!

TED: Hey! I said it then and I'll say it now! 16 year-old me would have been all over you.

PENNY: And on Saturday, Uncle Barney took us all to see the Broadway musical adaptation of _The Wedding Bride._

[Barney's car phone rings]

BARNEY: Answer phone.

Several screens in the car turn on. We see several screens turn on, and on the screens we see Lily and Marshall's faces with giant smiles.

LILY: Hey, Teddy Westchester!

MARSHALL: Hi Robin! How was the honeymoon in London?

ROBIN and TED: [together in unison] Best. Trip. Ever.

TED: We got so much photos and footage from our trip. We can't wait to show it to you guys!

ROBIN: The outdoor stuff, of course.

LILY: Hey! So here's the situation! Daisy is going out of town on Friday to check out the Wesleyan campus.

MARSHALL: She has narrowed her choices down to Wesleyan, Michigan, and UPenn. She wants to revisit the campuses before making her final matriculation decision.

LILY: And Marshall Junior is staying over at Judy and Dad's this coming weekend. So therefore we are gonna do something we haven't done in 8 years. We have decided to invite you and Ted this Saturday for a little…

LILY and MARSHALL: [in unison] …COUPLES NIGHT!

ROBIN: [feigning a smile] Sure we'd love to!

TED: [also feigning a smile] Well, let me see, Penny is spending the weekend at Grandma and Grandpa McConnell's. And Luke is going with Barney to see Ellie's a cappella group concert on Saturday, so sure! We'd love to come!

LILY: Great! I can't wait to see you then!

MARSHALL: And I just don't do gouda anymore. I also do havarti.

ALL: Bye!

[phone screens turn off]

ROBIN: Oh, crap! Couples night!

TED: [grunting] I forgot all about those things! And it was not because of my 6 years of grief.

BARNEY: [grinning] One of those times I say I'm glad I'm divorced!

ROBIN: That was actually one of the things I celebrated about back in 2016 after we reached the settlement.

BARNEY: Actually that's one of the things I celebrated about the divorce, myself! [he and Robin do a high five] Hey, Ted when was the final time you and Tracy did couples night with them?

TED: The last time we had couples night with them was the worst. It was September 27, 2024 at the hospice. Tracy and I were begging them not to execute it. But they were so adamant that they showed up at the hospice without our permission. They said it would help ease Tracy's pain, but that night Tracy asked for a higher dose of morphine.

BARNEY: Whoa! That sucks! Talk about being inconsiderate.

TED: You know something funny, Barn? Even before she got sick, Tracy thought the couples nights were pretty bad herself.

ROBIN: Well 8 years have passed. They may have learned their lessons from other couples during that time.

TED: [chuckles] Yeah! Maybe they won't be so goofy this time!

End of Act 1


	2. Chapter 2

Ted and Robin's Bedroom, Westchester. Later that same night 9:30 pm.

Ted and Robin are lying in bed. It is dark except for Robin's nightlight. (NOBODY LIKES THE DARK)

ROBIN: Ted, I'm a little scared.

TED: You've slept with me in this room multiple times since we started dating and you never freaked.

ROBIN: It's not the fact that I'm sleeping in the same room and the same bed that you used to share with Tracy, god rest her soul.

TED: Actually, I changed the mattress in 2029 since it was wearing out. Only I used to spray Tracy's favorite perfumes on it. My psychologist suggested that would help me cope with the void of widowhood.

ROBIN: It's all good. I understand. And you've got me now. I'll be there for you during those times you miss her. But that's not it. I'm just worried about this couples night with Lily and Marshall.

TED: I'm not bonkers about it either even though they are my best friends. But they have been dying for a couples night since we started dating again. I think things will be different this time, since we're doing this as fifty-somethings as opposed to thirty-somethings.

ROBIN: Maybe we can show them our photos and video footage from our honeymoon…well, the outdoor parts.

TED: And maybe we can bring some of our own food or a favorite board game or something. You're not scared of couples night. Something else is bothering you.

ROBIN: I hadn't been a wife for 16 years. And you hadn't been a husband for 8 years.

TED: We'll learn together. Remember you once told me that two thing are needed for a successful relationship? Chemistry and time? Well the chemistry and time have finally come in sync. Just because your marriage with Barney failed does not mean it will happen again with me.

ROBIN: And I'm not planning on quitting the earth anytime soon.

TED: I don't plan to die soon either. I learned a lot from my marriage with Tracy. When I tied the knot with you I knew I have to love you through everything: our ugliest, stupidest fights (God forbid), our lazy Sundays, our 5am Christmas mornings, every speedbump, every pang of jealousy and boredom, and every moment of uncertainty. [pauses] You and I have both been through very sad and lonely times and I just want the two of us to be happy for whatever time we've got left.

ROBIN: I don't want to lose you Ted.

TED: You won't. [pauses then chuckles] I can't believe you still sleep with a nightlight in your early 50s…so Canadian!

ROBIN: Nobody likes the dark!

[knock on the door is heard]

TED: Who is it?

PENNY'S VOICE: It's us Dad! May we come in?

TED: Sure, we're decent. Come on in! [turns on lamp]

Door opens. Penny and Luke enter carrying a birthday cake with a "54" candle lit on top. They also carry paper plates plastic silverware. Robin's dogs follow them in.

LUKE and PENNY: [singing in unison] Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Dad, happy birthday to you!

TED: [blowing out the candle] Oh my god! Thanks kids.

LUKE: So what did you wish for?

PENNY: He can't tell us, otherwise it won't come true.

TED: But you can kind of figure out what I wished for.

LUKE: [staring at Robin] I think I figured it out.

The four of them start eating slices of the cake. Luke is feed some pieces of the cake to Robin's dogs.

ROBIN: You two baked this? This is delicious!

TED: Tastes like Mom's recipe.

PENNY: Actually it's Mom's recipe crossed with Aunt Victoria's.

TED: No wonder the chocolate has that nice German flavor to it. [pauses]Oh Robin, don't get jealous! She always hoped you and I would end up together! And I broke my engagement with her a long time ago to keep my friendship with you.

LUKE: What happened, Robin, was that Aunt Victoria sent a cake from Munich, shortly after Mom's funeral, to express her condolences.

PENNY: Despite our grief, we liked the cake so much that Dad asked her for the recipe. When she gave it to him she also wished that Dad would find happiness again an appropriate number of years later. She said it in such a way that she was hoping for the reunification of you and Dad.

LUKE: Kind of like East and West Germany in 1990.

ROBIN: [shedding a few tears] That was really sweet of her. Oh, Ted I'm so sorry! With all the hype about the wedding, the honeymoon , and the jetlag, I forgot that today is your birthday. I'll get you a nice present later in the week.

TED: You already did. [hugs and kisses her]

End of Act 2.


End file.
